


The Ethical Treatment of Mistletoe

by unbroken_halo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: mini_fest, F/M, Holidays, holiday fic, mini fest 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28185387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbroken_halo/pseuds/unbroken_halo
Summary: The holidays come to the Ministry, and Harry and Hermione get caught up in the decor.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter
Comments: 20
Kudos: 106
Collections: (a very mini) Mini Fest 2020





	The Ethical Treatment of Mistletoe

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2020 Mini mini_fest on livejournal.  
>  **Prompt:** From 2019 : Somehow they end up underneath the enchanted mistletoe each time they run into each other, their kisses getting steamier with each meet. He’s running out of excuses to explain that he has nothing to do with it. Maybe she can explain?  
>  **Disclaimer:** Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.  
>  **Notes:** Thanks to my beta for the once over. Any mistakes you find are my own as I had to tweak it one more time.

****

**The Enthical Treatment Of Mistletoe**

"This is your doing, isn't it?"

Smiling, Harry looked up at the mistletoe and shook his head. "Why would you think that?"

Hermione rolled her eyes and pressed her hands to her hips. "It looks like every other bush of mistletoe in the building, however, considering that I saw Ron and George with you, I am for certain that this is your fault."

Harry stared at her. "How did you come to that conclusion?"

"It wasn't until after they left that the _parasites_ appeared!"

"Maybe it was the Nargles," Harry offered. "Luna came by, after Ron as well."

"Nargles aren't real, Harry, and you know it. These are a Weasley Wheezes concoction, and it's all your fault because you indulge Ron and George."

Harry tried not to snort as he laughed. "That's quite a bit of a leap, don't you think? I saw Magical Maintenance out earlier placing decorations all over the Ministry building. Don't you think that is a more logical conclusion?"

Hermione shook her head. "I do not, especially when it is the two of us being caught."

Harry pointed. "We aren't the only ones."

Hermione looked over her shoulder to see the Minister Kingsley Shacklebolt bend to press a chaste kiss to Mafalda Hopkirk's cheek. She giggled and shook her finger at him before walking away.

"Harassment under the guise of supposed festive decor."

"Harassment? I'm pretty certain that mistletoe has a long-standing reputation in both the Muggle and magical world."

Huffing, Hermione leaned in. "I don't care if its a magical, Muggle, tradition or not. I don't like it."

Giving in to his amusement, Harry chuckled. "Tell me how you really feel?"

"Mistletoe is a sexist tradition that allowed men to have their way with women."

"Beg pardon?"

Crossing her arms over her chest, Hermione continued. "It was in the Victorian Era that the mistletoe became a popular edition at Christmas. A man was allowed to kiss _any_ woman who was under the branch, and if she refused, bad luck would come to the woman refusing the kiss!"

"So I deserve to be shouted at because people alive hundreds of years ago violated consent?"

"I just think it is a barbaric practice that removes control from both parties involved, but mainly it's the women that suffer."

Harry arched a brow. "What if I don't want to kiss you?"

Eyes wide, Hermione stared at Harry. "What?"

"I'll take on the bad luck, Merlin knows it is drawn to me anyway, but I release you from the _burden_."

"You can't just release someone from _magical_ mistletoe, Harry," Hermione intoned and sniffed. "You _have_ to kiss to dispel the magic. That's why it's barbaric!"

Harry aimed his wand at the mistletoe. "Finite!"

The mistletoe shuddered but hung in place. Harry stepped backwards and it followed, dragging Hermione a step with him. She eyed him as she stumbled. 

"I told you!"

"I won't say calm down, but I don't understand all this hostility," Harry said, holding out a hand to her to offer steady help.

With a huff, she took his hand. "I just feel as if the embarrassment and the consent issue make mistletoe an extremely cruel prank to perpetuate on someone."

Nodding as he listened, Harry decided on a compromise. "Hermione Granger, may I kiss you to release us both from this prank?"

Wide-eyed, Hermione stared at him and swallowed. Finally, she nodded and lifted her face toward his.

Harry leaned in and pressed his lips to Hermione's cheek ever so lightly and then stepped back. The mistletoe chimed and spun around crazily then popped out of existence. He smiled at her as he was able to move away and gave her a small bow. "Thank you for releasing me from the spell, my lady."

Hermione continued to stare at him before she shook her head. "You're such an idiot."

Harry shrugged. "I try." He walked off leaving Hermione standing in the hallway.

~*~

Harry sank into the booth at the Leaky Cauldron. He drank from his pint and as he settled it on the table Ron raised a hand and signalled Hannah for another round. George slid him a menu and Harry pushed it away, ordering a plate of bangers and mash when the serving girl brought Ron his pint.

"So," Harry started after taking another sip of his beer. "How much did we pull bringing in the mistletoe?"

George shook his head. "Today? The shop was busy but I don't remember selling any mistletoe."

Harry nodded. 

Ron looked at Harry. "Me neither, in fact, I don't think we've had any mistletoe all season."

"Right. Look, they decorated the Ministry today, and I got caught up in it. It wasn't funny."

Ron and George grinned and laughed out loud. Then what Harry said registered. "What do you mean 'it wasn't funny'?"

Ron nodded and elbowed George, who returned the gesture with a smirk. "Who'd you have to snog, Harry?"

"Oh was it one of those old biddies from the Wizarding Examinations Authority? I swear those witches have been around since Dumbledore was a first-year!" Ron howled.

"Wait… wait…" George laughed. "He said it wasn't fun. Was it a wizard, Harry?"

"Neither one of you is amusing." Harry frowned, some of Hermione's ire a bit more understandable at the looks on their faces. He huffed and drank more from his pint, thanking Iris as she set a large platter in front of him.

"Since you asked, I didn't snog anyone, Ron, I did, however, buzz Hermione on the cheek."

George and Ron stared at him, all the entertainment value of taking the piss from Harry gone. They even looked a bit scared as Harry cut into the sausage. He swiped the bit of meat through the potatoes, scooping up an onion before shoving the bite in his mouth. Waiting until he was finished chewing, he grabbed his beer again. "What?"

"Hermione let you snog her?" Ron asked, his face slightly pale.

Harry glared at him. "No. I already told you I didn't snog her."

"But, Harry," George began. "Hermione's a huge advocate against things like mistletoe. Anything, really, that calls consent into question. She also petitioned to have the love potions we sell in the shop removed, too. It didn't work since they are considered a novelty, but we had to clear the shelves of them and place them behind an adults-only spell line. Customers have to register their names as well if they purchase them because they are now considered a controlled substance, due to her lobbying."

"That I found out today. She accused me of having something to do with the mistletoe on account of the two of you coming in to get my signature on the patent for those new candies. I got a lecture on history and consent."

"The Jolly Jellies, right," Ron nodded and leaned into the table. "Well, you can tell her that the Euphoria Elixer is legal and completely consensual. We brewed it in school, remember?"

"Did you tell her about the treats?" George leaned in close, whispering. "We've too much riding on these candies and there are spies everywhere from both Zonko's and Bertie Botts."

"I've better sense than that," Harry offered. "I know how cutthroat the business of pranks has become." He ate some more potatoes.

George and Ron leaned back into the booth after Harry's reassurances. Ron sighed as he drained his pint and then rubbed the back of his head.

"So… how was it?"

Harry arched a brow as he ate and then made Ron wait as he drank some beer. He carefully wiped his mouth and leaned in. George and Ron hunched forward.

"It was very… nice. Her cheek smells of vanilla and powder."

George and Ron blinked as Harry sat back and cut into another sausage.

"Her cheek?" George asked. 

"Vanilla?" Ron sputtered. "When did she change her perfume?"

Harry eyed them and nodded. "I asked to kiss her cheek and she said yes." He glared at Ron. "As for her perfume, I have no idea, Ron. Why? Shouldn't you be more concerned with Lavender's perfume than Hermione's?"

Ron shrugged. "Just asking."

George stared more intently at him, and Harry ignored him, finally inquiring of Harry, "You asked her? To just kiss her cheek?"

Harry inclined his head. "You would have too if you'd seen how upset she was. I _know_ better than to invoke her anger."

Ron snorted. "Yeah, Hermione's a sight to behold when she's cross."

"You're telling me," Harry replied.

~*~

Harry ran right smack into Hermione as he exited the Floos into the atrium. They bounced off one another and wobbled. He caught her shoulders to keep them from ending up on the floor and gazed up to find a ball of mistletoe swirling above their heads. "This isn't happening," Harry griped.

"Again, Harry?" Hermione glared up at him. 

"This isn't my fault!" he whinged.

"No?"

"No," Harry growled out. "I spoke with George and Ron last night and neither one of them had anything to do with the mistletoe. I even checked the books at Wheezes to make certain they weren't having me on."

Hermione arched a brow. "Well, someone must be responsible as I had to continually dodge the ornaments all afternoon yesterday."

Looking for any excuse, Harry asked, "It's a plant, so you want me to interrogate Neville about it?" 

Hermione smiled. "Oh, would you? I never even thought about that. He does have his own greenhouses." She frowned. "He's at Hogwarts during the year, so it will be a bit difficult to infest the Ministry with the contemptuous parasite."

Still holding on to Hermione's shoulders, Harry sighed. "I'll ask Neville, regardless. Can we just agree that it's a menace of holiday decor and move on?"

"Oh quite," Hermione nodded. "You can kiss me again as I have a ton of meetings to attend and I can't afford to be stuck in this spot all day." She lifted her face.

Harry blinked at her. "You're being awfully agreeable today."

"Come now, Harry, I've many things to do, and so do you I suspect. Let's just get this over with and be on our separate ways." She leaned back on her heels, watching him. "I've given you permission."

"Right," Harry muttered and leaned down.

Hermione toed up at the same time and turned her face. Harry met her mouth with his.

Frozen, Harry started down at Hermione. Hermione's eyes went wide before she closed her eyes. Stuck with his lips pressed against Hermione's, Harry breathed her in, the scent of powder and vanilla wrapping around him until she broke the kiss. He was still so focussed on the fact that he'd kissed her, he nearly missed the soft sigh that escaped her.

The mistletoe chimed and disappeared with a pop, and Hermione pressed her lips together. "Thank you, Harry."

She patted his arm and walked away, leaving him alone in the atrium.

Harry turned and watched her go then licked his lips. The slick slide of gloss on his tongue tasted of sweet mint and vanilla, of Hermione, and he looked back for her again. She was gone though, vanished into one of the lifts, and more people began to pour out of the Floos. Disappointment eked in and he took another swipe of his tongue across his mouth to keep her taste with him. Feeling frustrated, Harry started for his office.

~*~

Harry leaned into the fire and called out. "Neville Longbottom, Hogwarts Herbology office!"

Waiting for the connection to be made, Harry settled on his rear after a long day at work. He could hear Kreacher putting around in the kitchen and smelled the scent of a fragrant roast when Neville finally appeared. He'd forgotten it was most likely dinner time at Hogwarts as well.

"Hey, Harry!"

"Hello, Neville. How's the term going?"

"Quite glad it's almost over, to be honest."

Harry chuckled. "That bad, eh?"

Neville shook his head. "No, not really. Just looking forward to some peace."

"I can understand that," Harry commiserated. "Look, I wanted to ask you something about some plants?"

Neville arched a brow. "Oh? Is this for a case? Was someone poisoned? Many plants could do that. Devil Snare strangling? Tentacula biting?" he asked eagerly.

Harry blinked. "Er… no, nothing so bloodthirsty." He paused. "Does that happen often at the school?"

"Not for some time, but as many of the plants we use are also Muggle in origin, magical flora is now considered under the auspices of The Department of Regulation. To purchase and cultivate many of the more dangerous plants, you have to file for a permit. Recently, I had to make certain Hogwarts' licencing was up-to-date." Neville shrugged. 

"If you are a purveyor of potions, then there are other regulations that must be adhered to, as well. Same goes for wandmakers, but I don't think you called me to talk about bureaucracy."

"No. I just wanted to ask what you know about mistletoe and if you knew who supplied it to the Ministry."

Neville smiled. "Oh, no, I don't know the supplier, even though I do have contacts all over the world. They could have gotten it from anywhere, but not me. I didn't cultivate any this year."

"Oh," Harry said even as he got his confirmation.

"I can try and find out though if you want," Neville continued his explanation.

"As an obligate, hemiparasitic plant it's used in several potions and Christmas decor. There are two varieties in use here in the United Kingdom although the American version, _Phoradendron serotinum_ , is less toxic than the European variety of _Viscum album_. Why?" 

"Wow, er… okay. Thanks for that, Neville, and no I don't need to know the supplier. Not really."

"Is there something wrong with the mistletoe?" Neville asked, concerned. 

"No, it appears to be regular magical mistletoe, although I've not inspected any of it. I was recently made aware that mistletoe has some...unscrupulous beginnings."

Neville laughed. "Ah, I see. Well, I don't know about how amoral it is but as I said, it's healing properties date back to ancient times and I know it was considered a boon to vitality because of it grows during winter. I also know there's some history of Druidic practises and ancient Roman use in fertility rites and orgies."

"Orgies," Harry stated.

"Oh, yes," Neville continued. "Remember that vitality I mentioned, well another famous chapter in mistletoe folklore comes from Norse mythology. As the story goes, when the god Odin’s son Baldur was prophesied to die, his mother Frigg, the goddess of love, went to all the animals and plants of the natural world to secure an oath that they would not harm him. But Frigg neglected to consult with the unassuming mistletoe, so the scheming god Loki made an arrow from the plant and saw that it was used to kill the otherwise invincible Baldur. According to one sunnier version of the myth, the gods were able to resurrect Baldur from the dead. Delighted, Frigg then declared mistletoe a symbol of love and vowed to plant a kiss on all those who passed beneath it."

"How do you know all of that?" Harry wondered aloud.

Neville eyed Harry. "I work with plants, and to keep myself and others safe whilst doing my job, one must know their history."

"Yes, I guess so, but wow. Did not know it entailed all that."

Chuckling, Neville shook his head. "Yeah, can you believe it? I'm a professor now."

Harry laughed. "Now you know how I felt during Fifth-year with everyone looking up to me to teach them."

"You did a good job, Harry. Don't ever doubt that. You helped many people that year."

"I'm certain you are quite the instructor as well. Thanks, Neville."

"No problem, Harry."

~*~

Early to work, Harry made it through the atrium and down to the lifts to the Department of Law Enforcement offices floor. Many offices beside the Aurors and Hit Wizards were on the floor and Harry took it for granted that Magical Maintenance knew better than to place a bunch of parasitic kissing plants on the same floor as highly trained, trigger happy witches and wizard.

As head of the Auror division, Harry commanded the Auror force. The Aurors were the Department of Law Enforcement's elite warriors who investigated dark arts crimes and dark wizard catchers.

The Hit Wizards patrolled the magical areas like Diagon Alley and made certain the public was protected by hunting down criminals and were under the auspice of a head Hit-Wizard that worked with Harry if the two divisions had to consult. 

Many times the two companies intersected, due to the use of magic in crimes, but each had their strong suits. Managing who went where and how, took up most of Harry's day, and in one way he rather missed being out in the field. He didn't miss the long hours in the infirmary, though when someone decided to put him through his paces. 

It was one of the reasons why Ron had left the Ministry, and Harry had taken the desk job.

Making his way to his office without being caught by Hermione and the magical mistletoe gave him a sense of disappointment as well as excitement. He'd managed to be stealthy enough not to draw the attention, but he had also missed seeing Hermione get worked up over the decor. However, the day was young.

His office was at the back of the department, so he could see out over the entire area as Aurors and others traversed in an out of the room.

Stopping at the secretarial desk, he glanced over the room finding himself alone for the moment and then checked the roster to see who was on duty that day. Harry read the first few names on the list then jerked his head away from the parchment to gawk at the room at large.

The cubicles had become a minefield as almost every few feet there was a kissing ball. He looked behind him to find the hallway entering the department was filled with them as well, and his entire day's squad was standing at the entrance watching him.

"How did you make it through there, Potter?" Thora Fleming, his newest Auror called out to many guffaws.

Harry shook his head as a deep voice rumbled through the hallway.

"Why is everyone clustered up and blocking the way?"

The crowd of Harry's Aurors split, many still trying to avoid the magical mistletoe, and Minister Kingsley Shacklebolt stepped forward followed by several members of the Wizengamot, and at the back of the entire party was Hermione Granger.

"Ah," Kingsley drawled and smirked. "Well, shall we?"

Moving quite fast for his size, Kingsley drew his wand and made his way down the hall, dodging the first few kissing balls as he went. At the same time, Harry moved forward, drawing his wand and trying to scatter the decor. The ribboned plants just seemed to move out of the way for Kingsley, and the Wizengamot members that followed. 

Harry had to duck around ball after ball until there was one with only a few berries remaining as he neared Kingsley. The minister continued forward and more and more mistletoe was pressed Harry's way. He almost made it out of the hall when his feet grabbed hold of the tile flooring.

"Morning, Potter," Kingsley drawled. 

Harry looked up into Kingsley's dark, amused eyes and then shook his head. "You have got to be joking!"

A blue ribboned ball of mistletoe with one single white berry hung over Harry's head and a green ribboned decoration was twirling around Kingsley's. The rest of the mistletoe, it seemed, had mysteriously vanished.

The Wizengamot members continued to sneak down the sides of the aisle as Harry stared at Kingsley's smile. His Aurors lined the hall as well but didn't enter the department headquarters. Hermione peeked out from behind Kingsley, eyes wide as the grin on her face.

Harry looked up at Kingsley and keeping in mind the fuss Hermione had made earlier in the week, he straightened. "With your permission, sir."

Kingsley nodded, his smile even wider and full of large teeth. Harry gulped as Kingsley's large hand wrapped around the back of his neck. He toed up to meet Kingsley, his eyes closing as he came closer. His team howled when Kingsley tilted Harry's head and planted a soft kiss to Harry's forehead.

Dark chuckles from Kingsley's mouth echoed in his ears as Harry opened his eyes. He caught Hermione's gaze and shook his head at her as she giggled, her hand clapped over her mouth. The mistletoe chimed and snapped away as Kingsley let go of Harry and leaned back.

"Inside for your assignments, you reprobates," Harry snapped and stomping feet filled the hallway.

Harry eased back from the minister and bowed his head. "Minister."

Kingsley slapped Harry on the back as he passed, carrying on to the Wizengamot chambers. "Good show, Potter." He bent closer to Harry. "Now, get your girl."

"What?" Harry turned and looked at him as Kingsley snapped his fingers.

"Minister, wait!" Hermione called and tried to step forward but her heels were stuck fast. 

"Oh, no!" she cried, stomped her foot and looked up. The mistletoe with the green ribbon that had been floating over Kingsley's head was now circling Hermione's messy bun.

Perhaps he'd not been trapped with Kingsley, so much as the magical plant kept drawing Harry and Hermione together. Harry snorted, wondering exactly who had charmed the damn things. Crossing his arms over his chest, he watched her struggle with the mistletoe. And just like Harry had one of the previous times, nothing she cast moved the plant. 

Kingsley leaned out the door of the Wizengamot chambers, eyed both Harry and Hermione before grinning. "Are you coming, Ms Granger?"

"I'm trying!" she growled. Hermione's eyes widened even as she struggled and she stomped her foot once more, folders and papers that she had been carrying in her arms slid to the floor. "Argh!"

Feeling a bit sorry for her, Harry stepped forward and picked up the papers, straightening them as best as he could and held them out to her.

"Thank you," Hermione sighed and looked up at the mistletoe. "Are you going to help me?"

Harry chuckled. "I've already escaped my trap." He turned to go.

"Harry!" Hermione shouted. "Don't leave me here. I need to be at that meeting."

"Someone will be by soon, I'm sure."

"But you're here now!" Hermione demanded.

Stopping, Harry turned and looked at her, his hands behind his back as he rocked on his feet. "And what do we say?"

Hermione arched a brow and then gave him a slow smile. Harry's stomach lurched as she held out one hand and curled a finger at him. "Harry," she purred. "Please come kiss me under the mistletoe."

Harry stepped toward and Hermione's smile widened. Wrapping one arm about her waist, Harry moved in close and bent his head, slanting his mouth across hers. 

The papers fell to the floor again as Hermione placed her hands on his chest. She nipped at his mouth and Harry opened for her as Hermione took over the kiss. Her fingers curled in his uniform and Harry tugged her closer.

Hermione moaned and Harry swallowed it, his hands moved up her back and tangled in her hair. He bunched the loose curls in his fists as they kissed.

Only the sound of popping and the stench of burning plant matter drew Harry's attention. He looked up, still holding on to Hermione as the last berry on the mistletoe exploded and the entire plant was set aflame.

Hermione pulled him out from underneath the burning plant and they both jumped as someone began clapping.

Kingsley was still leaning out the door of the Wizengamot chambers, applauding. "It's about bloody time, you two." With a flick of his wand, he vanished the burning mistletoe. "I was getting damn tired of charming more balls every day."


End file.
